I am new to this blogging thing and I am not sure how it is going to work out. But I am going to be honest and from the heart. Some of this truth will hurt and be sad other parts might be happy and give home. God is in control and I am reminded of this each day!
I am going to start at the beginning because I know it is also part of this blessed story. This is our story so, here it goes...
Victor and I have been married for 5 years this May. 3 years ago we thought we were ready for our family to grow. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) and we could only anticipate that conceiving a baby wouldn't happen as easily for us as it does for some. We were up for the challenge or so we thought.
The first year was trying, just trying to figure my hormones and body out. Watching cycles, taking temperatures and just plain trying...
The 2nd year was a little rougher. December 23, 2012 Victor had his first seizure. This stirred our lives up to say the least. We were blessed and God definitely had his hands on Victor and me through this journey that started that night. Legally when you have a seizure you have be seizure free for 6 months to be able to drive. In March Victor had another seizure. (This ended up making it 9 months that Victor could not drive) During this time frame it meant I was driving Victor to work on the other side of town from our house, myself to work downtown, picking Victor up and them coming home and somewhere in there figuring dinner out too. Our days started early and ended early yet seemed so long. On top of that we were spending a lot time together- all while trying to still make a baby. This can put a lot of added stress on a marriage. Scheduled sex isn't fun to begin with much less when you spend 24/7 with your spouse already. Not only that, Victor was dealing with his own issues. He couldn't drive; he had doctors trying to figure out what was going and was on new seizure medicine that was doing its own neurological thing to him. That's a lot of changes and a lot of us not having control. Oh yeah and we were supposed to be making babies, don't forget that! Not fun! Like I said scheduled sex is no fun but it's even harder to have scheduled sex when partners just aren't happy or super stressed. Oh and trust me we were both stressed this whole de-boggle added a lot of stress to each of us and our relationship. Some months it just wasn't worth forcing sex in the time schedule just to be miserable or unhappy or more stressed, I finally realized this. Just because I realized this didn't mean I accepted it or that it was any easier on my husband. He knew I wanted a baby, he wanted a baby, he knew I needed him to help make the baby and he felt the pressure too. 2013 was a hard year. After Victor's 2nd seizure doctors found an AVM. An AVM is basically an abnormal connection between arteries and veins in the brain. Well sometimes an AVM can lead to strokes or an aneurysm. Remember where I said God had his hands on Victor? Victor had both of hiss seizures in his sleep, we were blessed for this as well. Victor was safe, he was in bed, I was here and he was o.k. Not only that, no one else was hurt that in itself is a huge blessing. Another God send was because they found the AVM they could do surgery to remove it. By doing surgery they can remove the AVM and remove the chance for future complications. So to fix the problem that means brain surgery. This added even more stress to Victor. Did he want his head cut open? Was it worth all the risk to have open brain surgery? I mean, it is a scary thought for anyone to cut open your skull to face those chances now or leave the AVM and face possible complications in the future? This was hard on Victor because he had to worry about my well being. What if something bad did happen in surgery how would I be taken car of? Could we recover? How would our life be affected? If he didn't have surgery how would our future be affected? Would he or I worry each day that something could happen? Would today "be the day"? Here is the black and white truth- we didn't have a baby it was only me he had to worry about at this point. Could you imagine the endless questions and worries of a dad, much less a dad that had an infant or a baby on the way? I do not believe surgery would have been an option had I been carrying a baby or had we actually had a baby. But here again we were blessed, God had a plan we just didn't know it all at the time. In August of 2013 the doctors at UT Medical center did brain surgery and removed the AVM. Once again God had a plan and has us in His hands. During this year it was blessing in disguise that we did not have a baby as much as I hated not having a baby it was a blessing. I am not sure how a baby would have adjusted or survived our schedule for the past year. Like I said I am also not sure that had I been pregnant or had we had a child Victor would have chanced the brain surgery. God knew what He was doing. Victor had his surgery and recovered fine. We survived this journey/obstacle. We learned a lot about each other, faith, ourselves and our relationship. There were times we were tested and we failed some but for the most part I feel like we passed and we passed this test together!
So I am going to end this post here... I know it's kinda a strange spot to end it but that means the story gets better! I tell you this journey all for a reason... so stick with me a little more!
I am going to start at the beginning because I know it is also part of this blessed story. This is our story so, here it goes...
Victor and I have been married for 5 years this May. 3 years ago we thought we were ready for our family to grow. I have PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) and we could only anticipate that conceiving a baby wouldn't happen as easily for us as it does for some. We were up for the challenge or so we thought.
The first year was trying, just trying to figure my hormones and body out. Watching cycles, taking temperatures and just plain trying...
The 2nd year was a little rougher. December 23, 2012 Victor had his first seizure. This stirred our lives up to say the least. We were blessed and God definitely had his hands on Victor and me through this journey that started that night. Legally when you have a seizure you have be seizure free for 6 months to be able to drive. In March Victor had another seizure. (This ended up making it 9 months that Victor could not drive) During this time frame it meant I was driving Victor to work on the other side of town from our house, myself to work downtown, picking Victor up and them coming home and somewhere in there figuring dinner out too. Our days started early and ended early yet seemed so long. On top of that we were spending a lot time together- all while trying to still make a baby. This can put a lot of added stress on a marriage. Scheduled sex isn't fun to begin with much less when you spend 24/7 with your spouse already. Not only that, Victor was dealing with his own issues. He couldn't drive; he had doctors trying to figure out what was going and was on new seizure medicine that was doing its own neurological thing to him. That's a lot of changes and a lot of us not having control. Oh yeah and we were supposed to be making babies, don't forget that! Not fun! Like I said scheduled sex is no fun but it's even harder to have scheduled sex when partners just aren't happy or super stressed. Oh and trust me we were both stressed this whole de-boggle added a lot of stress to each of us and our relationship. Some months it just wasn't worth forcing sex in the time schedule just to be miserable or unhappy or more stressed, I finally realized this. Just because I realized this didn't mean I accepted it or that it was any easier on my husband. He knew I wanted a baby, he wanted a baby, he knew I needed him to help make the baby and he felt the pressure too. 2013 was a hard year. After Victor's 2nd seizure doctors found an AVM. An AVM is basically an abnormal connection between arteries and veins in the brain. Well sometimes an AVM can lead to strokes or an aneurysm. Remember where I said God had his hands on Victor? Victor had both of hiss seizures in his sleep, we were blessed for this as well. Victor was safe, he was in bed, I was here and he was o.k. Not only that, no one else was hurt that in itself is a huge blessing. Another God send was because they found the AVM they could do surgery to remove it. By doing surgery they can remove the AVM and remove the chance for future complications. So to fix the problem that means brain surgery. This added even more stress to Victor. Did he want his head cut open? Was it worth all the risk to have open brain surgery? I mean, it is a scary thought for anyone to cut open your skull to face those chances now or leave the AVM and face possible complications in the future? This was hard on Victor because he had to worry about my well being. What if something bad did happen in surgery how would I be taken car of? Could we recover? How would our life be affected? If he didn't have surgery how would our future be affected? Would he or I worry each day that something could happen? Would today "be the day"? Here is the black and white truth- we didn't have a baby it was only me he had to worry about at this point. Could you imagine the endless questions and worries of a dad, much less a dad that had an infant or a baby on the way? I do not believe surgery would have been an option had I been carrying a baby or had we actually had a baby. But here again we were blessed, God had a plan we just didn't know it all at the time. In August of 2013 the doctors at UT Medical center did brain surgery and removed the AVM. Once again God had a plan and has us in His hands. During this year it was blessing in disguise that we did not have a baby as much as I hated not having a baby it was a blessing. I am not sure how a baby would have adjusted or survived our schedule for the past year. Like I said I am also not sure that had I been pregnant or had we had a child Victor would have chanced the brain surgery. God knew what He was doing. Victor had his surgery and recovered fine. We survived this journey/obstacle. We learned a lot about each other, faith, ourselves and our relationship. There were times we were tested and we failed some but for the most part I feel like we passed and we passed this test together!
So I am going to end this post here... I know it's kinda a strange spot to end it but that means the story gets better! I tell you this journey all for a reason... so stick with me a little more!
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