Plans Change...

Today we are 36 weeks 4 day! Pretty amazing! Abel has already overcome a lot of odds but last week we had to have a ‘come to Jesus meeting’ with the NICU doctor to discuss how “The Big Day” will go and what to expect. This was not a meeting Victor and I were really looking forward to. We knew it would be hard. We hoped for the truth but also knew the truth was going to stab our hearts. It did.

We met with Dr. Bass who is a NICU doctor at Tennova and at UT Hospital. To be honest, I am not sure if he has more titles that follow his name or not but he really seemed to be a great guy and doctor. We started off by talking about Abel and his lungs because his lungs will be the focus when he is first brought into this world. We have to make sure his lungs can work before we even begin to worry about his bladder or kidneys. One thing at a time…

Dr. Bass’s first comment was “I believe in miracles. I believe Jesus walked on water. It doesn’t look good though; your baby’s lungs are very under developed (to say the least). This will need to be our immediate focus.”

Ouch. Reality.

There is some peace and reassurance that a doctor believes in miracles much less that he will mention Jesus and that he believes. We liked that. I don’t know the details of Dr. Bass’s beliefs but he knows Jesus, and that’s what matters. I want Abel to be surrounded by God’s people as much as possible for every situation. God can use these people in every kind of way. Whether it be to work on Abel and help him or to help us make the best decisions for our son. God works through His people, His people do wonderful things because they are led by God sometimes not even knowing the full plan but it all works out accordingly.

Dr. Bass explained some of how lung development works. Some of it we had heard before granted everyone explains it a little differently and things can always change... Since we have had no amniotic fluid there has not been proper pressure on the lungs needed. The amniotic fluid also effects the air channels that develop, no amniotic fluid means those can’t develop either. No air channels mean Abel’s lungs won’t work in the real world. The swollen bladder has also pressed up on where Abel’s lungs are which also hinders development. Dr. Bass explained some of the care that Abel would need and some of the steps that could be taken to help Abel. He also expressed his concern that UT has a level 3 NICU and will be better equipped to help Abel and offer him the best chance. Dr. Bass was very wonderful in explaining steps and some “what if” scenarios. To be honest though none of these scenarios seemed ‘great’ or ‘ideal’. It came down to if we wanted to give Abel all the tools possible to fight and survive then we needed to have him at UT.

Abel has fought and given every day his best, I don’t feel as Abel's mom or his parents we can take the tools away from him that might help him to succeed. That would be like throwing your kid into a baseball game with no bat, glove, or ball and telling him to give it his all and win the world series. I want my child to succeed whether it be something small or something huge like breathing! I have to make the decision that is best for Abel. Having him at UT means Dr. Vick doesn’t get to deliver. This hurts my heart, it also kind of scares me; but this isn’t about me it is about Abel.  I know Dr. Vick, he knows me, he knows Victor and he wants what is best for the Fords. Having Abel at UT also means that the same doctors that wrote him off will now be delivering him. Ironic? Who says God doesn’t have a sense of humor? Abel is going to show these doctors what’s up!

Victor and I want what is best for our son. Doesn’t every parent? Our hearts break one way or another it feels like but we have to trust in God. We have to trust in His plan and His will to be done. God has given us wonderful doctors to help us through this journey but it is all up to God. We continue to pray for His plan though- only God knows what is truly best for Abel.

So things change… plans change… and God takes the wheel. We are now planning on having Abel at UT. We will meet with the high risk doctors that will deliver Abel and take care of me from here on out. I pray for peace within myself, between us and the doctors, and guidance for the doctors. I know if you’re reading this your prayers are with us regularly but please also pray for these doctors all the doctors and nurses that will be involved. 

Happy 5 years!

May 22, 2010 I said the two most important words to the most amazing man; “I Do.”

This Friday we celebrated 5 years! We celebrated a little differently than usual but we celebrated together and we celebrated in just the right way for US for this anniversary... We took the evening and got maternity pictures done! To be very honest it was a pretty special evening. Not every year do you get to celebrate 5 years and the birth of your first son. (And let me also add we have made it to 36 weeks!)

It was a gorgeous evening and Dani Rose Thibus met us at the Botanical Gardens and took the most amazing pictures ever! She captured the beauty of Abel, pregnancy, motherhood and of parenthood. Dani also did a wonderful job capturing the love between Victor and me. (which is pretty amazing too)

You know over the past 5 years Victor and I have been through our share of hard decisions, rough roads and tough times; but we have been through it all together. What is even more amazing is that no matter where the road has taken us we have grown closer and our love has grown stronger. My husband is my best friend and I am beyond blessed to have him. He has been my back bone when I can’t stand for myself and I have carried him when he can’t go any farther. We are in this together and it really is something beautiful to be part of. It makes my heart happy to think of.

I don’t know if it has just been the love between Victor and me, or if it’s Abel’s big debut getting closer, or our 5 year anniversary but I have really been thinking about the love between us and how that affects Abel. Abel knows he is loved- he is an extremely loved little boy! Recently Victor and I have had the opportunity to have more late night conversations. These conversations have been heartfelt and deep, random and funny, they have just been good quality moments more than anything. Good moments that in months of craziness Victor and I have just needed to get us back to the basics. Abel knows his daddy and his voice and he know his daddy loves him very very much.  Abel reacts differently when he hears his daddy’s voice and during these conversations Abel seems to be a little more active. He wants to make sure we know he is there. He is sharing his love with us too in the only way he knows how. I know and believe that Abel can feel the love between us; he may feel it or observe it differently than the rest of the world but he knows it’s there, and to me that is just amazing and wonderful. Some things you just can’t teach your children.

My grandmother told me the other day, " You feel love first, because God is love.”  She is right.

It warms my heart to think that Abel has experienced the love between Victor and me, first hand to some degree. Children learn from their parents, parents set the example and the standard. I remember my dad always calling my mom throughout the day to say ‘I love you,’ I remember my parents kissing and showing affection; these are things I wanted in my future husband and partner. I got them. Abel may not see the love between Victor and me but he feels it. He knows when Victor and I kiss, he knows when we chat, and he knows when we laugh. Abel has also felt the tears, the heartache and the pain but more than that he has also felt and heard the comfort, support and encouragement between his parents. I know in my heart those are priceless lessons and I feel good that Victor and I have done our best walk the walk and talk the talk.

I wanted and still want to teach Abel all the important life lessons… but recently I realized that Victor and I were already teaching him love. We have been leading by example. I just think that’s pretty cool and great.

I am more than blessed to be walking through each day with my best friend. Victor is my other half. He completes me. That might sound corny but I really can’t imagine a day without this great man. I am blessed to be able to kiss him good night each night and wake up beside him every morning. God knew what he was doing when he put us together; all in His “grand scheme of a plan.”

Our love is great and I am blessed. Nicholas Sparks doesn't hold a candle to the real life love story Victor and I are writings each day!

Happy anniversary to my best friend, partner, love of my life, husband and baby daddy! When you read this I hope you know just how madly and deeply in love with you I am. Thank you Victor for all you do, for all you give and for loving me each and every day. Thank you for completing me and never giving up on us, on me or our family. 5 years and 4 days and I love you more today than yesterday and I’ll love you more tomorrow than today. (Sorry this is posted a little late but life got in the way and together we enjoyed every moment of this past weekend! Life just happens.) I love you with all my heart! 

Dani did such a wonderful job it was so hard finding just a couple pictures to share in this blog

35 Weeks

Yesterday (well Sunday so a couple days ago) marked 35 weeks.

This weekend was a little harder on me. I am not sure if it was because of the 35 week milestone or the rainy and gloomy weather or I just didn't have a lot to do but I was mopey and whiney,  <= I won’t lie about that.

I slept a lot, like all weekend. I liked my bed, I liked it a lot. I hated that I wasn't more fun. I couldn't make decisions. I didn't want to talk to people. I couldn't tell Victor what was wrong, if anything was wrong.

Yup my sweet husband did what he could. He tried to ask the right questions, but I didn't know. He tried to love me but I just whined. He tried to feed me but food wasn't the answer.

I just wasn't happy and not knowing why I felt so blah didn't help things either.

By Sunday night I guess Victor had asked me enough that I started to break. I started to realize my heart hurt. I still wasn't sure why but I was in emotional pain, emotionally distort to say the least. I had taken a good nap Sunday afternoon and later on that evening I remembered I had a dream about Abel. I don’t remember the dream but he was there. His presence was strong in my dream, like I really felt him there.  It almost breaks my heart I don’t remember more. It kind of leaves this void that I dreamt about him but don’t remember, maybe it’s good not to remember the details but know he was there and feel him.

35 weeks… WOW… that means a max of 5 more weeks. That hurts. It is heartbreaking. It is scary. It is sad. It is unknown and I am at a loss.

Victor was nothing but supportive and loving and just wonderful. I don’t feel like I can give him enough credit. It is so hard being strong sometimes. It is hard to be strong for the world sometimes but even harder to be strong for your spouse. Your spouse sees you and knows you, you are almost transparent to your partner. To protect your heart doesn't really happen when you are married. It is good that my heart doesn't need protecting or guarding from my husband, it is a blessing, something God intended, but sometimes I wish I could protect him from it, protect him from the pain my heart feels. I know this is hard. It hurts him to see me hurt. I know he already hurts for himself, for his son and for me. It just can’t help seeing your wife break.

I love feeling Abel in me. I love feeling the lumps and the bumps and the little kicks. It scares me to know they won’t always be there. I hate to think of the day I can’t feel him in there. I have had a partner, a side kick for the past 35 weeks; 8 months, what is life like without the little guy? The thought of a day without Abel breaks my heart. I am not sure how you get past that break either.

35 weeks. It should be a celebration. Most moms are ready to get this baby out, to meet their sweet baby and for the world to meet their little love. I on the other hand want to freeze time. I want to go backwards. I don’t want another day to pass. I want to meet Abel and love him and cuddle him and never let go but I know that’s not how things work. He is safe inside of me and I just want to keep him safe and warm and in there for as long as possible. Forever!?!?

I feel like the clock is ticking and yet there is still so much to be done. So much to still be said. So many adventures to still be had. I still have so much love to give this little man; I can’t possible cram all my love for him in in 5 weeks! 

Abby Is Home!

Abby made it back to Knoxville this week! YAY! I like having her in town. I am so glad she made it back and gets to see this big belly of mine. I am so glad Abel gets to hear her voice again.

Abby's first visit with Abel since December

Abel is getting to the point that space is a little tight inside my belly and he is growing, at the visit this week he measured about 6 pounds already. This belly seems huge but it sure isn't a 5 star hotel in there. Because space is getting tight he isn't kicking or poking quite as much. Abby has been able to feel the hard lumps inside of me but she hasn't had the privilege of feeling Abel move. That changed last night! Abel has turned into a little more of a night owl recently. I got into bed last night and Victor and I were talking and Abel started knocking! (I think he likes the calm comfort of bed, who doesn't, and Victor’s voice) I yelled for Abby to come back to our bedroom and she got to feel her sweet nephew kick or tap or whatever he does! I think she had tears of joy, it was a special moment! Of course Abby’s voice got squeaky in excitement and she cheered Abel on! When you feel him move, you feel the life inside of him, it makes things more real, it is special! It was a special moment, one you don’t want to forget, one I am sure neither of us will forget!

Abel kept tapping or poking for a while Victor got to enjoy some of the love too. As ready as I was to go to sleep I guess he just wasn't because he kept the action up for a while. I won’t lie and I won’t share Victor’s moments too much with the world but it definitely brought some emotion out of Abel’s dad. It was the most action Victor had felt out of his son, you can’t just shut it off, you don’t want to either. A proud daddy moment and those are always special in itself. It was a moment you don’t want to end, one you want to last as long as possible.

They say; as in books, other moms, and dads,  it is usually harder for dads to bond with babies while mom is pregnant. I believe that. Mom carries the baby, has the baby with her all day, the baby is our flesh it’s in us, moms feel things before dads and some things dads can’t physically feel.  Dad supports the mom and dad’s bond isn't really made until the baby gets here, until they get to see and hold their flesh. In our case I want that to be different. I don’t know the time Victor may have to form any sort of bond so the bond has to start now. As the mom I also feel it is my job to encourage this bonding. Yes, it is my belly but it is Victor’s son just as much as mine and he can talk, rub, play, read and sing to it all he wants. I will stop in my tracks to give him those moments.

A few weeks ago Victor and I were lying in bed talking and Victor’s head was on my belly. I guess Abel didn't like that or wanted his dad to know he heard him but all of a sudden Abel kicked the crud out of Victor’s head! I mean really kicked! My belly jumped and Victor’s head just about went flying off. He kicked so hard Victor just about sat up out of amazement! I am telling you this kid has some spunk and he wants the world to know he is here!

These are the precious moments that get us through. They are priceless. God shines and God gives and He provides our hearts desires. I know Abby wanted and needed to feel Abel. I am glad she got that moment. I am glad she got to feel the life in Abel. I know Abel loves his Aunt Abby. Victor has had an emotional week last night probably added to that emotion but I think God knew he needed it. He needed the reassurance his son was in there and was OK. That Abel is just as OK as the rest of us if not more. He is in God's hands and what better place to be? God knows our hearts, He knows them better than us!

Mother's Day

So I really have been trying to get my emotions and thoughts out on paper about Mother’s Day but it has been a little harder to express everything about this day… Sunday was wonderful. It was hard. It was emotional. It was crazy. It was beautiful. It was a blessing. It was full of tears. It was full of laughs. It was full of love. It was a first! Mother’s Day was just an emotional day in itself.

Like I said Mother’s Day was wonderful; the weekend leading up to it was great! My BFF since 4^th grade surprised me with chocolate strawberries at work on Friday. Candice and I have been through some crazy times but yet our friendship has seemed to survive the test of time and only grown stronger. Abel sent me a beautiful azalea, (his grandpa, my dad, might have helped him a little). Maybe it is was the card, maybe it was reality hitting home that I was a mommy, maybe it was the love and thoughtfulness showed by so many but Mother’s Day was starting to get hard and emotional. I am so grateful for a supportive and wonderful dad! He has had my back for forever, he has supported Victor and I on this journey and cheered all 3 of us on. He has made a great dad for 31 years and is already making a great grandpa! Now I just have to keep this azalea alive, for FOREVER!

Dad
Josiah, Jessica & Abel, Andrew

Saturday my brother Andrew and his girlfriend came into town. We had a simple family dinner and family time. I am so glad Andrew got to meet Abel and see me pregnant. I am glad Abel got to meet Andrew and hear his voice and just a little bit of his personality! Andrew got to feel Abel in me, he didn't really feel him move but he felt the hard lump.  I feel like seeing my belly and feeling Abel can sometimes make the outside world feel like a part of this experience and journey. That is a big deal to me and I feel like it is to others as well. It was special that Andrew got to see and feel Abel and I am so glad we got those moments. Priceless.

Sunday hit home. Sunday hit Victor and me both and it hit hard. I woke up to a sweet husband that bought me a beautiful bracelet from Abel and himself. It’s gorgeous and it’s even a little more special because it has the infinity sign in it. Forever Abel’s mommy!

There was just something about this day, about the title, about the celebration that just made reality hit. Victor’s heart was broken not just for his child and the unknown but for the mother of his child. My heart broke for the unknown, the mommy in me, and it broke because my husband’s heart hurt.

We hurt together. We cried. We held each other. We talked.

As husband and wife, as mother and father, as Victor and Jessica we are both on the same page, our feelings are very similar. We hurt and we are scared but we are so thankful for every moment, every kick, every day and every memory.

You know looking back on Mother’s Day I can’t tell you where the ocean of emotions came from or exactly why. I mean Mother’s Day is a day I have looked forward to all my life. I was excited about Mother’s Day, it wasn't the possible gifts that excited me or the acknowledgement that I knew would come with the day, it was the title; the personal title. I finally got to celebrate Mother’s Day because I. Am. A. Mom!  Leading up to this day I thought it would be nothing but gumdrops and rainbows, a happy celebration! I guess I was a little naive to think there wouldn't be a world-wind of emotions with it too.

As I had talked to my dad the previous day and now talked to Victor there were a lot of suppressed emotions. I realized neither Victor nor I were really able to look at Mother’s Day cards this year. I thought I just didn't want to stand there and read them all because it hurt my back and feet; I think that was just an excuse my subconscious was telling me. Victor couldn't do it either for obvious reasons as well. Victor and I had a lot of heart felt discussions and talks throughout the day. I am so glad he is my husband. I am so blessed to have a strong, caring, loving, emotional man as my partner and father of my child.

I got a Mother’s Day card in the mail from my sister, it was sweet and simple. But I broke. I don’t know why but the waterfall tears came! Victor just held me in the kitchen. We cried together and he reassured me we would be OK, our family would be OK and God would see us through. That was all we could do.

We put ourselves back together and got ready for a family gathering. We went to Linda and Steve’s for Mother’s Day. We had a great day surrounded by lots of wonderful moms.  There is comfort in family and the support they provide even if they don’t know they are. Victor and I enjoy these moments. I have said it before Victor and I love the love and attention Abel gets from family and friends. We love that Abel gets to hear the voices and stories. I feel like Abel gets to know his family a little this way, he gets to feel the love, support and encouragement that family provides; after all they are our backbone. Victor and I both loved family time as kids; some of our best memories, and we still enjoy it- I am glad we can give that to Abel now. And maybe it is extra comforting to us, especially right now, because well when we were kids we didn't have a worry in the sky it was all fun and games with cousins and grandma’s love. Like I said family offers a sense of comfort and sometimes when your heart hurts that’s all you need; it's all you need to know it will be OK…

You know being around family or answering questions isn't the hard or emotional part it’s more when you’re in the quiet and by yourself. Sometimes I swear it’s easier to put on my big girl pants and a smile on my face and face the world than not too. Mother’s Day was emotional for Victor and I. We survived and we did it together. Victor and I shared a wonderful day. We had meaningful conversation. This day brought on some painful emotions but it also opened the door for us to discuss them as husband and wife, as mommy and daddy as friends and partners. We worked through them and most importantly we did it together. We talked about our fears and yet we both knew and agreed we will be OK. We will survive and we will do it all together. We talked about our blessings, our dreams, our hopes and our happy memories that we have already made as a family and the ones we still hope to make. Yes, today there were a lot of tears at the Ford house but what a blessing it was to celebrate being Abel’s mommy! We celebrated today as a FAMILY something Victor and I have been working so hard towards for so long and that in itself is a blessing!

Flash Back Friday!

I haven’t had a chance to share our wonderful Easter from last month. So today we can have a Flash Back Friday to April 5, 2015! Yeah I know it’s not really that long ago but we can still pretend!

It was a gorgeous day, weather was perfect, food was great, family was wonderful and we were celebrating Jesus! It was a blessed day for so many reasons!

We all gathered at Aunt Janice’s and Uncle Gary’s for Easter lunch.

Dominique and Jeff were also finding out the sex of their baby today! Bobby might have got a little finger trigger happy and sprayed the silly string a little early but it’s a story for the books and we all couldn't be happier for Jeff and Dominique- IT'S A GIRL!

My dad and brother also got to join us for Easter lunch. I am so glad my dad and brother got to celebrate Easter with us too. Josiah even got to feel Abel do a little moving. Josiah thought it was gross, I thought it was a special moment that he could experience Abel a little more. I am glad we got family pictures or pictures of what family was there. I am happy Abel got to hear familiar voices. These are experiences and days that I am glad Abel gets to feel the love of his wonderful family!

I have always been so blessed that Victor’s family has always opened their doors to my family and welcomed us all with open arms. God sure has blessed me with such a wonderful family to marry into. I don’t want to say ‘extended’ or ‘in-laws’ because so often those are associated the funny faces- I lucked out and got a great family! They are big, wild, loud, crazy, fun and always growing. They always have your back, they love unconditionally, support each other all the time, cook wonderfully, and welcome everyone. God blessed me with a great husband and a great family that came with him!

We had a great day, a great Easter! It was a beautiful day to celebrate Jesus.

I loved being around everyone. I love Abel being able to hear and feel the love. I love Abel being loved. My belly got rubbed and loved on. Abel got loved on. I definitely felt him being more active than usual during the day- he could feel the love and attention which made this momma so happy for him! It warms my heart. Abel doesn't know anything is wrong with him, he doesn't know better. So when he gets treated 'normal' I think he enjoys it. When he gets the love a baby needs he feels it and he likes it! It was just a wonderful day!

Praise Jesus! He is Risen and we celebrated!

Spunky lil Abel

I really was trying to make a conscious effort to have some more upbeat exciting post for Abel’s Adventures. As I write these entries I realize that Abel’s adventures are a lot of my adventurers. Let’s face it- I can’t go anywhere without Abel and well Abel can’t go anywhere without me. Recently my adventures have been more of an emotional and spiritual journey and I have taken y’all on that journey with me at least as much as I can. The best adventure I have had though is being a mom, Abel’s mom!

When I first started this blog I thought Victor and I would show Abel the world. We would have crazy, wild, fun adventures as a family and make the most out of every day. We have, we have made the most out of each day, every event and every milestone. I have also realized that time, money, and resources can affect our adventures. Not only that a pregnant girl does not need to say ‘hike to the top of Mount Everest’ to give her baby a 'life experience'; just NOT going to happen! 1) it’s not smart, 2) I am pregnant, which means I am big and I have extra weight in places I am not used to 3) I can’t breathe 4) I have to pee every 4.6 minutes! So instead of trying to do the impossible we have found joy in smaller moments that are huge to Victor and me, as Abel’s parents. We have documented the past 33 weeks and enjoyed every moment. I have also learned to cherish my moments more with Victor, not taking anything for granted. These men in my life are true gifts and blessings from God.

I feel like I should make sure to share more of the good moments with every one that does follow this blog and our story. I feel like you, as the audience, need to see the sun at the end of the tunnel just as much as we need to. I will be honest though sometimes taking the time to write about the good moments takes a back seat; usually because the good moments are moments I want to live in and enjoy for as long as possible. Then something else comes up- life happens and the happy go-lucky stories get over looked or take a back seat. Some days, usually the harder days, it is easier to write and get my feelings out. It helps to put the sad, angry feelings on paper, a way to release them. Usually by the time I work through the emotions or start to work through them I see the light, I see God’s hand, I see His work and His plan. Sometimes that’s all I need.

I tell you all of this because my goal is to make sure I share more of our happy moments with you. Abel is a happy baby. We are a happy family. We have hard days but for the most part we have great bright wonderful days! I want to share these moments with you just as much if not more. It is the good days that we should cherish and remember more of. So in the near future I am going to try and make sure to share more of the happy times with you.

So our glimmer of sunshine was last week at our doctor’s appointment. If you haven’t already noticed I go see the doctor quite a bit! Like every other week. I give Abel pep talks on a regular basis; that we need some tricks out of him; how he needs to move his hand away from his face; how if he can work up the courage he can even do a back flip in there; how we just need him in a good position and any and all cooperation is greatly appreciated. Well, Thursday he was still down low, real low! When I say low I mean his head is below my panty line and that is where he likes to hang out all the time. On occasion I feel a head jab me down low, it hurts but I have to smile. It is a blessing to feel my little boy in there moving. He can jab and poke and pry this momma all he wants. Anyways, back to our visit… On Thursday Abel still had his hand on his face. Not quite as much as he has in the past so we got to see a little more of his profile! He is a cute little baby! We didn't get an actual picture, it really is hard to get a good picture because of the lack of fluid around him, but we saw him. We saw his nose and his mouth and his eyes. We even saw him open and close his mouth a couple of times!!! As I lay on the table getting the sonogram I told Tina how I have been trying to pep talk Abel into doing tricks- guess what this kid did…??? He stuck his tongue out at us! He did it twice! I mean seriously, cutest kid ever! He definitely has some spunk and attitude in him!!!

What a heartwarming moment! My little boy was sticking his tongue out at me and his dad right when I needed him to do some kind of ‘magical trick’. I mean seriously! I know Abel was already thinking “there ya go mom seriously not get off my back!” haha Oh man I sure love this kid!!

So there is our ray of sunshine… And it is a bright one!!!

We went to the other room to wait on Dr. Vick, he has a tough job somedays but is such an amazing man. He delivered the inevitable news that we knew would come sooner or later. Abel’s kidneys are starting to shut down.  That’s it. That’s all.

I wanted to ask questions. I wanted answers. But truth is- it is all in God’s hands. The body is an amazing thing. Creation of life is amazing. Growing a human is amazing. God’s plan is amazing. We know all this is amazing and breathe taking. As amazing as we know life is we also can’t predict life, we can’t predict any of it. As humans, as normal people we don’t know God’s plan. It really is simple- WE DON”T KNOW.

The cat kinda got my tongue in this visit. I wanted to ask questions but knew the answer already- WE DON’T KNOW.

Not knowing is hard. It is our nature to want to know more- that’s why we evolve. In this case though we can’t know, we don’t know and I am not sure I could handle knowing.

Accepting not knowing is sometimes the hardest part.

I won’t lie this hurt. It would hurt any mom to hear this news. It hurts to think that my baby’s body is getting to the point that he has had enough. It hurts my heart. That is all.

Dr. Vick said it best: “You can’t have one foot on yesterday and one foot on tomorrow because then you piss on today.” (Hopefully Dr. Vick doesn't mind me sharing his great words of wisdom with the world- but he is so right!)

As I said this is “normal” about this stage in pregnancy for a baby with a urethra blockage. So we just go with the flow. We keep loving Abel. We keep enjoying the jabs and kicks and pokes. We talk to Abel and cheer him on. Each day is a gift and we are glad to have the gift of today. We keep praying...

I pray for God's plan. I pray that I am able to carry Abel for as long as God will allow. I pray for his safety and comfort while inside me. I pray for God's plan. I pray a special prayer for Abel. I pray he is never in pain. I pray that he feels the love this world has already given him and continues to give him. I pray for strength and courage for Abel. I pray that my baby knows and feels how much his mommy and daddy love him; more than anything in the world. I pray that he is not scared and that he stays brave and strong. I pray that Jesus hold's my son close. I pray for God’s plan. I pray for Victor. I pray for myself.  I pray that we keep the strength needed for our son, for us, and for each other. I pray that God gives us courage to continue to face each day. I pray that we lean and trust in God more and more each day. I pray that God continues to show us the way and His light. I pray for God’s plan. I pray for peace. I pray for our families. Whatever God’s plan is I pray that God see’s us through. That He continues to give us strength and courage. I pray again for God’s plan. It is all in God’s hands so I continue to pray for His plan and His will.

That’s all we can do is pray...

Prayer is powerful...

Abel is a fighter and he has spunk! We know this and enjoy it every day.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, it's God’s light and He will see us through.

Thank you all for your support, prayers and encouragement! Abel is one lucky little boy to already be so loved. Victor and I are blessed to have such wonderful family and friends that love us and our little boy unconditionally.

We are blessed!

We are thankful!